Children as Victims of Divorce
After a mouthful of hurtful words, liters of tears, and broken hearts, you and your partner finally decide to call it quits. “Let’s get a divorce!” Getting a divorce is not a bad idea, especially if it is the only solution you have. However, you should not neglect your child. How should you help your little one deal with the situation? Community Access Network, a Social Services Organization in California, lists down some ways you can go about it:
- Make them understand.
When parents decide to break up, most children assume that they are to blame. They oftentimes think, “If only I had been a good child”. As a parent, you have to correct this misconception. Make them understand that it has nothing to do with them. Talk to them about why you decided to separate. Also, assure your child that even if you and your partner are breaking up, you both still love them. - Do not badmouth your ex-spouse.
American actress and television personality, Valerie Bertinelli, once quipped, “Divorce isn’t the child’s fault. Don’t say anything unkind about your ex to the child, because you’re really just hurting the child.” Divorce can be a traumatizing experience for children. Do not make the situation worse by letting your youngster hate your ex. In the end, your ex is still their parent. - Encourage them to open up.
Some children choose to stay silent for fear of making you upset. One way to know what they are feeling is by being the first one to open up about the situation. You can ask them, “How are you holding up about the divorce?” You also have to assure your little one that it is okay to feel sad or angry about the divorce. - Do not give them false hopes.
Be straightforward to your youngster. Do not sugarcoat the situation by saying that it is only temporary when you know that it is not. This will just crush your child’s heart. Be honest with them that you and your partner has no chance of getting back together. You can even use Taylor Swift’s We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together hit song to brighten up the mood. - Let your ex-spouse get involved in their life.
Every child needs both of their parents’ love and support. Even if you are not in good terms with your ex, this does not mean that your child should not be in good terms with them, too. Make some arrangements that will work with your little one. For instance, you can let your child stay with them on weekdays or on holidays.
Community Access Network is a Community Organization that provides social services to families. We understand the challenges families face during a divorce. We offer counseling centers. Do not hesitate to talk to us about your dilemma. Feel free to contact us at 951-279-3222.
We accept any kinds of donations. If you wish to make one, please fill out the form at www.fosterkidscan.org/social-services-organization-donations.